Separation Anxiety
Why It Happens & When It Peaks
Separation anxiety is one of the most common and emotionally challenging developmental stages for families. One moment your baby is happily playing, and the next they are clinging to you, crying the second you step away.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
The good news?
Separation anxiety is normal, healthy, and actually a sign of secure attachment. It means your baby loves you, trusts you, and sees you as their safe place. But that doesn’t make it any less exhausting when you’re trying to get things done, drop them at childcare, or simply take a moment for yourself.
Let’s break down what’s happening, why it’s developmentally important, and the ages when separation anxiety peaks.
What Is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is the distress babies feel when they realise someone they depend on (usually Mum or Dad) is leaving or not within sight.
It usually begins when babies develop object permanence - the understanding that you still exist even when you’re not physically in front of them.
Before this milestone, babies simply don’t register that you’re “gone.” After they understand it… they care very much.
Separation anxiety is the brain’s way of saying:
“I know you’re my person… and I don’t want you to leave yet.”
Common Ages When Separation Anxiety Peaks
Although every child is unique, there are predictable ages when separation anxiety tends to intensify:
Around 6–9 months
This is typically the first big peak. Your baby now recognises familiar faces and becomes wary of unfamiliar people or new environments. They may cry when you leave the room, even for a moment or cling tightly at drop-offs.
Around 12–18 months
This is often the strongest phase. Toddlers now understand routines, anticipate goodbyes, and have stronger emotional bonds. Their desire for independence grows, but so does their need for reassurance.
Around 2 years
A smaller, secondary peak can happen here. Toddlers may resist separation more strongly when there are big changes - new routines, starting nursery, a new sibling, or developmental leaps. They want independence, yet still crave security.
How Separation Anxiety Affects Sleep
It’s very normal for separation anxiety to show up at bedtime or during night wakings. When babies are going through this phase, you might see:
Protesting at bedtime
Needing you to stay longer in the room
Increased night waking
Difficulty settling back to sleep without your presence
This isn’t “bad habits.” It’s their emotional development working hard. With consistency and reassurance, this phase does pass.
Ways to Support Your Baby Through Separation Anxiety
Here are gentle, effective ways to ease the transition:
1. Practice mini-separations in the day - Short bursts of “I’ll be right back” help build trust. Always return with warmth.
2. Keep goodbyes short and simple - Lingering too long can increase distress. A calm, predictable goodbye routine works best.
3. Offer comfort objects - A familiar blanket or soft toy can help your baby feel secure.
4. Create a consistent bedtime routine
Repeating the same steps each night reassures your baby that sleep is safe and predictable.
5. Respond with calm reassurance
You’re not “spoiling” them - you’re helping regulate their nervous system.
6. Stay consistent with sleep support
If you’re making changes to sleep, do it gradually and kindly. Separation anxiety is not the time for sudden or rigid transitions.
Separation anxiety is not a sign that your baby is doing something wrong or that you are. It’s a beautiful sign of connection, even if it feels overwhelming in the moment.
With time, development, and gentle support, this phase eases. Your baby learns that goodbyes are always followed by your return, and confidence slowly grows.
And remember: You deserve support too.
If separation anxiety is affecting your baby’s sleep or your family’s wellbeing, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I’m here to help guide you through it with empathy, evidence, and practical steps.